• Notes

  • All gelatinous cube facts found on Gelatinous Cube Facts are likely false, probably untrue, and, we've heard on good authority, less than factual. In truth, gelatinous cubes don't really exist, so none of these facts are facts. Just our poor attempt at humor, satire, and parody. So, there's that.

Gelatinous Cube Facts

Top Five Gelatinous Cube Facts

  1. Fact

    Gelatinous Cubes are the #1 cause of death among chaotic-neutral Half-Orcs.

  2. Fact

    Ronald Reagan once cited the treasure found in a gelatinous cube as proof that trickle-down economics worked.

  3. Fact

    Unlike lycanthropes, vampires, and liches, gelatinous cubes wait until after the unsuspecting teenagers have intercourse before murdering them.

  4. Fact

    While not sworn enemies, gelatinous cubes have a healthy distrust of deadly puddings.

  5. Fact

    Just because you see a rosary inside a gelatinous cube doesn't mean it's pious.


Gelatinous Cube Facts

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  1. Fact

    Gelatinous Cubes are the #1 cause of death among chaotic-neutral Half-Orcs.

  2. Fact

    Women love conversing about gelatinous cubes. Even more so than video game bosses and demolition derbies. Ask Ric Ocasek.

  3. Fact

    One person in 6600 worldwide has leprosy. Also of note: One out of every two people have had their familiar eaten by a gelatinous cube.

  4. Fact

    While not sworn enemies, gelatinous cubes have a healthy distrust of deadly puddings.

  5. Fact

    Ronald Reagan once cited the treasure found in a gelatinous cube as proof that trickle-down economics worked.

  6. Conjecture

    Gelatinous cube: 1 - Jimmy Hoffa: 0

  7. Fact

    60% of the time, gelatinous cubes kill every time.

  8. Fact

    Gelatinous cubes have single handedly kept "long staff" producers solvent.

  9. Fact

    Bears eat beets and gelatinous cubes eat bears.

  10. Sad Fact

    That time your Mom said your dog ran away ... gelatinous cube. Sorry.

  11. Fact

    Gelatinous cubes have helped adventurers with their encumbrance troubles for centuries.

  12. Conjecture

    A gelatinous cube would win in a fight between it and Robocop. If he was all robot, maybe Robocop pulls it out, but there's just enough exposed flesh on that cyborg to paralyze.

  13. Fact

    Chuck Norris once defeated a gelatinous cube by pouring lighter fluid on his boots, striking a match, and then roundhouse kicking it back to Hades.

  14. Related Fact

    Bent on revenge, the gelatinous cube's sibling is currently lurking in the closet where Mr. Norris keeps his Total Gym.

  15. Fact

    Gelatinous cubes fart platinum coins.

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